Was a sight to behold.

I took off early yesterday afternoon to Halloweenify our house:

(3) bed sheets to completely enclose our foyer
(1) red light bulb to use in the foyer light
(1) fog machine to fog up the foyer
(1) strobe light to flash our front door from outside
(2) black light bulbs to use in our porch lights
(2) wireless speakers to plant in the hedges out front and pump scary sounds
(1) voice changer
(1) pitchfork
(1) jdouble in coveralls and a scary mask
(1) Sa Rah dressed up super scary
(10) luminary bags
(15) bags of candy

Took us about an hour to set everything up.

Sa Rah came home around a quarter after five and ran right upstairs to make herself scary: white face powder, hair teased way up, red dress and a creepy, black shawl.

I hooked up the voice changer to my coveralls and mask and planted myself outside to wait for the kiddies.
When the kiddies came, they were so captivated by the sight and sound of the house that they never noticed me, crouched to the side of the front steps, pitchfork in hand. As the kids would draw near to the house, I started making a low growling noise that, when filtered through the electronic voice box, came out as a really creepy clicking noise. The kids would look in my direction, trying to determine whether I was real or not. I let them stare for a bit, all the while making my noise. Just as they would step up to ring the doorbell, I would stand up, and say “Happy Halloween” through the voice changer and watch as they jumped. Then, they’d look to our front door to see scary Sa Rah, standing in a room of fog, watching and waiting.

At times I would roam the yard, taunting passers-by, some of whom refused to come up to the house.

Westheight was a madhouse – kids everywhere, carloads, busloads, carrying candy-craved chitlins. We ran out of candy in an hour and I had to make another run.

One little girl came up to shake my hand. I shook it and laughed maniacally. Her friend came up to shake my hand. I shook it. She kicked me in the shin then ran. One little boy came after me with his sword. When I fell, he ran off telling his mom, “I got him! I got him!”

One little girl was giving Sa Rah a hard time. A little boy told her, “Ah, leave the lady alone.” Then he stepped to the door and said, “Now gimmie some candy, Sexy.” One little girl said to Sa Rah, “You look like my momma when she wakes up in the morning.”

Some of Sa Rah’s fave costumes:

1. Hood Rat
2. Bagman
3. various babies dressed as clowns

I didn’t have a favorite costume, but my favorite trick-or-treater was a tiny little girl, probably 3 or so, who I figured would be quite scared of me. She and her family came later in the evening and I just stood by the stairs and watched them, making my creepy noise. The little girl smiled at me the entire time. As she was leaving our yard, I raised my pitchfork. The little girl, still smiling, yelled out, “I AIN’T AFRAID OF YOU!” What a bad-ass.

Several small children though, did cry. I tried to console them, but hearing “It’s OK. Don’t be afraid,” through a voice changer probably isn’t all that comforting.

One teenager swiped one of our mini-pumpkins and put it in his pocket. I let him have it. It was covered with ants. Trick-or-treat, punk ass.

Many times we heard, “You guys have the scariest house in the neighborhood.”

Just wait ’till next year, kiddies.