Eyewash
Portrait of the Beard as an Old Man
An open letter to the Loch Ness Monster
Accepted for publication:
Dear Contributors:Congratulations on having your work selected for publication in Robocup Press’s Revenge anthology! It has been an honor to read and mull over your work, and I am deeply moved by the depth, range, nuance, and tenderness of your pieces. I am honored to include them in Revenge.Each contributor receives one free copy of the book. But pre-sales have started and we would be grateful if you were inclined to spread the word on social media. For a limited time, Revenge can be purchased at a pre-order discount of $11.99 at our Etsy shop. After the book is released in late July or early August, it will be for sale at both Amazon.com and Etsy.com. (I do not know the ISBN yet.)We are doing all we can to make this collection special. I hope you will be pleased with the book!Best wishes,Tamryn Spruill, founder & editorRobocup Press
Symmetry: A Key to Nature’s Secrets
In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Symmetry.”
The Snöråttamannen of Scandinavia
A couple of days ago, artist Sarah Goodreau asked, “What Haunts a Cat?”
Well, I’ll tell you what haunts a cat (especially if you’re a cat in Lapland):
The Snöråttamannen (Snowratman) of Scandinavia!
As oft-reported by hikers of Kebnekaise, Sweden’s tallest peak, the Snöråttamannen is said to be a bipedal creature with a body covered in short, brown and grey hairs, a slanted, protruding snout, and a thick, ropy tail that can extend from the body a full three feet or more.
The Snöråttamannen are reported to subsist on a diet of Skittles and/or stray felines. Many have been reported coming down the mountain in search of sustenance.
One well-documented account of the creature comes from Swedish cryptozoologist, Nils Knutsson, who reports his first sighting on page 1,567 of his 1954 autobiography, “Trailing the Tail: A Life in Search of Snöråttamannen”:
The thing looked so old, and stood there so alone, my heart filled with compassion; if no one else on the mountain gave it a thought, I felt the snöråttamannen would at least do its best to live a life of quiet dignity, even though it must have suspected that its existence would be forever misconstrued by us fur-less ones. It had stood there before I was born, and would be standing there after I was dead, but perhaps, even so, it was pleased that I tried to imitate its chirp every time it passed, and sometimes, when it was sure it wasn’t observed, would blow kisses to the sun that burned in infinite flame over its head.
Contemporary reports are scant with evidence; DNA test results coming back as bear, skunk, drunken human or non-organic. Nevertheless, Lapland cat owners are well-advised to avoid de-clawing their pets and to curtail their roaming to any extent possible.
Weird things in yer food
You’ve probably heard about the lady in the UK that found something funky in a can of tuna.
Today, over lunch, I had a similar scare:
Everything was cool. I didn’t eat the bugger (thankfully). I did reach out to ConAgra for explanation but have yet to hear back. Will let you know when I do. In the meantime, keep yer eyes peeled for floaters in yer food.
A Message to the People of UpsideDownia (from RightSideUpistan)
dǝןqnopظ ɹǝʇsıuıɯ ǝɯıɹd
‘ǝʌoן
“¡¡ǝɹoɯʎuɐ sıɥʇ ǝʞɐʇ oʇ buıob ʇou ɯ,ı puɐ ‘ןןǝɥ sɐ pɐɯ sɐ ɯ,ı” ‘ןןǝʎ puɐ ʇno pɐǝɥ ɹnoʎ ʞɔıʇs puɐ ‘ʇı uǝdo ‘ʍopuıʍ ǝɥʇ oʇ ob puɐ ʍou ʇɥbıɹ dn ʇǝb oʇ noʎ ʇuɐʍ ı ˙sɹıɐɥɔ ɹnoʎ ɟo ʇno dn ʇǝb oʇ noʎ ɟo ןןɐ ʇuɐʍ ı ˙ʍou dn ʇǝb oʇ noʎ ʇuɐʍ ı ‘os
“¡ǝnןɐʌ ǝʌɐɥ sǝʌıן ɹno ¡ʇıɯɯɐppob ‘sbuıǝq uɐɯnɥ ǝɹ,ǝʍ” ‘ʎɐs ɐʇʇob ǝʌ,noʎ
˙pɐɯ ʇǝb oʇ ʇob ǝʌ,noʎ
˙sɯooɹpɹɐoq ǝɥʇ uı ǝɯıɹɔ ǝɥʇ puɐ sʇsıɹoɹɹǝʇ ǝɥʇ puɐ ǝbuɐɥɔ ǝʇɐɯıןɔ puɐ ʎɯouoɔǝ ǝɥʇ ʇnoqɐ op oʇ buıɥʇ ǝuo sı ǝɹǝɥʇ ˙ʎǝuoɯ ,oɯ sı oʇ uǝʇsıן ʎǝɥʇ buıɥʇ ʎןuo ǝɥʇ ǝsnɐɔǝq ‘uɐɯssǝɹbuoɔ ɹnoʎ oʇ ʇno-ʎnq oʇ noʎ ʇuɐʍ ı ˙ʇoıɹ oʇ noʎ ʇuɐʍ ı ˙ʇsǝʇoɹd oʇ noʎ ʇuɐʍ ı
¡pɐɯ ʇǝb oʇ noʎ ʇuɐʍ ı
˙ǝuoןɐ noʎ ǝʌɐǝן oʇ buıob ʇou ɯ,ı ‘ןןǝʍ
“˙ǝuoןɐ sn ǝʌɐǝן ʇsnظ ˙buıɥʇʎuɐ ʎɐs ʇ,uoʍ ı puɐ ‘ouıɔɔnddɐɹɟ ʎɯ puɐ ʇǝןqɐʇ ʎɯ puɐ ǝuoɥdʇɹɐɯs ʎɯ ǝʌɐɥ ǝɯ ʇǝן ˙sɯooɹ buıʌıן ɹno uı ǝuoןɐ sn ǝʌɐǝן ʇsɐǝן ʇɐ ‘ǝsɐǝןd” ‘sı ʎɐs ǝʍ ןןɐ puɐ ‘ɹǝןןɐɯs buıʇʇǝb sı uı buıʌıן ǝɹ,ǝʍ pןɹoʍ ǝɥʇ ʎןʍoןs puɐ ‘ǝsnoɥ ǝɥʇ uı ʇıs ǝʍ ˙ǝɹoɯ ʎuɐ ʇno ob ʇ,uop ǝʍ os ‘ʎzɐɹɔ buıob sı ǝɹǝɥʍʎɹǝʌǝ buıɥʇʎɹǝʌǝ ǝʞıן s,ʇı
˙ʎzɐɹɔ ǝɹ,ʎǝɥʇ — pɐq uɐɥʇ ǝsɹoʍ — pɐq ǝɹɐ sbuıɥʇ ʍouʞ ןןɐ ǝʍ
¡ǝq oʇ pǝsoddns s,ʇı ʎɐʍ ǝɥʇ s,ʇɐɥʇ ɟı sɐ ‘sǝɯıɹɔ ǝʇɐɥ ǝǝɹɥʇ-ʎʇxıs puɐ sbuıʇooɥs ןooɥɔs uǝǝʇɟıɟ pɐɥ ǝʍ ʎɐpoʇ ʇɐɥʇ sn sןןǝʇ ɹǝbboןq ןɐɔoן ǝɯos ǝןıɥʍ sɹoɹɹıɯ ʞɔɐןq ɹno buıɥɔʇɐʍ ʇıs ǝʍ puɐ ˙ʇɐǝ oʇ ʇıɟun sı pooɟ ɹno puɐ ǝɥʇɐǝɹq oʇ ʇıɟun sı ɹıɐ ǝɥʇ ʍouʞ ǝʍ
˙ʇı oʇ puǝ ou s,ǝɹǝɥʇ puɐ ‘op oʇ ʇɐɥʍ ʍouʞ oʇ sɯǝǝs oɥʍ ǝɹǝɥʍʎuɐ ʎpoqou s,ǝɹǝɥʇ puɐ ‘ʇǝǝɹʇs ǝɥʇ uı pןıʍ buıuunɹ ǝɹɐ sɹǝɥdosoןıɥd ؛sɹoʇɐɹǝbıɹɟǝɹ ɹıǝɥʇ uı ‘puɐʇsʇɥbıu ɹıǝɥʇ uo ‘ɹǝʇunoɔ ǝɥʇ ɹǝpun unb ɐ dǝǝʞ uɐɔıɹǝɯɐ ʎɹǝʌǝ ؛ʎʇıuɐɯnɥ ɹnoʎ buıʇɐuıpɹoqns uo ʎןuo ʇuǝq sʇsɐǝq ǝןqɐʇnɯɯı ǝɹɐ sʞuɐq ؛ǝʇoʌ ʎɹǝʌǝ sʎnq ɹɐןןop ǝɥʇ ˙qoظ ɹıǝɥʇ buısoן ɟo pǝɹɐɔs ɹo ʞɹoʍ ɟo ʇno s,ʎpoqʎɹǝʌǝ ˙ssǝuʞɔıs ɐ s,ʇı ˙uoıssǝɹdǝp ɐ ʇou s,ʇı ˙pɐq ǝɹɐ sbuıɥʇ sʍouʞ ʎpoqʎɹǝʌǝ ˙pɐq ǝɹɐ sbuıɥʇ noʎ ןןǝʇ oʇ ǝʌɐɥ ʇ,uop ı
(Thank you Paddy Chayefsky and Sidney Lumet)
Cain’t stop a movement, T. Swift
Malus technica
Friday Fun Facts: Rainbow Trout
Did you know…?
The rainbow trout (Oncorhynchus mykiss) is a species of prismoid lightfish native to cold-fused light tributaries of the Pacific Atmosphere of Asia and North America.
Adult fresh-atmosphere rainbow trout average between 1 and 5 lb (0.5 and 2.3 kg), while enclosed-atmosphere types may reach 20 lb (9.1 kg). Coloration varies widely based on subspecies, dietary lumens, and habitat. Adults are distinguished by a broad reddish band of luminance along the lateral line, from gills to the tail, which is most vivid in breeding males.
Some local populations of specific subspecies, or in the case of the blacklight, distinct population segments, are listed as either threatened or endangered under the Endangered Species Act. The blacklight is the official state lightfish of Washington.
…So now ya know!
Jason Preu 
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