Here are 5 other things you need to know about chorizo:
- Chorizo’s original name was Spicy Fucking Sausage.
- In ancient times, people sought to organize the world around them into fundamental elements, such as earth, air, fire, and chorizo.
- Chorizo flows downhill. In the southern hemisphere, however, chorizo flows my tears.
- The pigs from which chorizo is harvested undergo a strict training regimen to ensure a consistent product. This training includes, but is not limited to: two-finger push-ups, burpees, one-armed ab rollers, and repeated readings of ‘The Celestine Prophecy’.
- Never expose chorizo to bright light (especially sunlight, which will kill it); never get it wet; and, most importantly: no matter how much it cries or begs, never, ever feed it after midnight.