The South Pole Is Empty Tonight (A Krampus Carol)

Tonight’s the night Krampus comes to town.
He’s leaving the South Pole, making his rounds
With a sack full of switches (no toys)
To beat all the bad girls and boys, oh joy!

Oh, the South Pole is empty tonight.
Santa’s list…was double-checked twice.
Krampus knows that you’ve not been that nice.
So the South Pole is empty tonight…

He’s got a scraggly beard, a face that is feared.
That click-clacking above ain’t no kinda deer.
He’s got hands filled with chains and a headful of horns.
Oh, if you’re a bad one: be warned!

‘Cause the South Pole is empty tonight.
Santa’s list…was double-checked twice.
Krampus knows that you’ve not been that nice.
Now the South Pole is empty tonight…

So if you want to stay on the nice list
You better behave and do what you’re told
Or Krampus might pay you a visit
With a switch and a poke and a scold!

Watch out!

Oh, the South Pole is empty tonight.
Santa’s list…was double-checked twice.
Krampus knows that you’ve not been that nice.
So the South Pole is empty tonight…

Yes, the South Pole is empty tonight.
Santa’s list…was double-checked twice.
Krampus knows that you’ve not been that nice.
So the South Pole is empty…
Oh, the South Pole is empty…
Yes, the South Pole is empty tonight…

The South Pole Is Empty Tonight (A Krampus Carol)

24 in 24 – Hour 10

LOOK ELSEWHERE FOR WISDOM

“All against always Being at all Time always”
Clear as mud so we close the book
and look elsewhere for wisdom.

We look in the attic amongst boxed-away treasures.
We look in the basement where the black mold grows.
We look in the tool shed where we keep our good measures.
We look in the closet where the naked folks clothe.

Did we find it?
Do we have time?
I have to exercise now.
It keeps my blood sugar normal.
I’m writing and writing and going insane.
Time to put down the pen
and look elsewhere for wisdom.

I looked in the heavens, birthplace of all crime
and I found Father Time singing soft songs sublime.
He sang songs with allusion and songs of illusion.
He sang in third-person sad songs of confusion.
He sang in perfect meter and in simple rhyme.
He sang, “Father Time couldn’t stop thinking about time.”
24 in 24 – Hour 10

Country Lament #48303

Whyyyy
couldn't it be you 
that left me?
Whyyyy
did I
have to be the one
to leave you?
Hoped
we grow apart
without much 
trouble
or maybe 
fall
in love
with someone new.
When we first met
all time stretched out
before us.

When we first met
we couldn’t wait
to do the do.

When we first met
we couldn’t sleep
without affections.

When we first met
we never thought
that we’d be through.
Oh, whyyyy
couldn't it be you 
that left me?
Whyyyy
did I
have to be the one
to leave you?
Hoped
we grow apart
without much 
trouble
or maybe 
fall
in love
with someone new.
The years went on
and we lost 
what was behind us.

The years went on
and we dealt
with the day by day.

The years went on
and we wondered
what did done happened.

The years went on
and it was clear
we had to go our ways.
But whyyyy
couldn't it be you 
that left me?
Whyyyy 
did I
have to be the one
to leave you?
Hoped
we grow apart
without much 
trouble
or maybe 
fall
in love
with someone new.
Did I never tell you 
you were everything 
I ever wanted?

Did I never tell you
how I loved
the way you moved?

Did I never tell you
how it meant 
to have you near me?

Did I never tell you
all the little things
I never told you?
My darling, 
whyyyy
couldn't it be you 
that left me?
Whyyyy 
did I
have to be the one
to leave you?
Hoped
we grow apart
without much 
trouble
or maybe 
fall
in love
with someone new.
Country Lament #48303

Liquor Run

It’s time to go on a liquor run
Time to go on a liquor run, hun
It’s time to go on a liquor run
Time to go on a liquor run, hun

Well it’s Friday night and I just clocked out
Pay-check in my hand so you know what I’m about
Throw the truck in reverse then I throw it to first
Peelin’ out the parking lot ‘cause I gotta quench my thirst

It’s time to go on a liquor run
Time to go on a liquor run, hun
Time to go on a liquor run
Time to go on a liquor run, hun

Now I been out in the field all day
and you been cleaning your life away
What we both need is couple of drinks
To whet our whistles - tell me whaddayou think?

What’s that you’re saying?
The cabinet’s dry?
There ain’t no bourbon and there ain’t no rye?
There ain’t no vodka and there ain’t no beer?
Well what the hell are we doing just standing here?

It’s time to go on a liquor run
Time to go on a liquor run, hun
Time to go on a liquor run
Time to go on a liquor run, hun

Now the liquor store man he knows me well
Calls me Mister when he makes that sell
Got a big box ready to lock and load
With bottle after bottle of that liquid gold

It’s time to go on a liquor run
Time to go on a liquor run, hun
Time to go on a liquor run
Time to go on a liquor run, hun

Didja get that whiskey?
You bet!
Didja get that rum?
I didn’t forget!
Didja get tequila?
¡Sí, Sí, Sí!
A bottle of scotch?
Oh yes indeed!
Didja grab some beer?
A case or two!
What about the wine?
Some from me, some for you!
Didja get some gin?
Of course, I did!
Well then get on home and let’s pop them lids!

Let’s drink until we can’t drink no more!
Let’s dance on the couches and sleep on the floor!
Let’s stir up shit like pigs in pen!
Let’s get up tomorrow and do it all again!

When it’s time to go on a liquor run
Time to go on a liquor run, hun
Time to go on a liquor run
Time to go on a liquor run, hun

Liquor Run

Letterbox 10/2/88 (after They Might Be Giants)

She’ll never know what she’ll find
When she opens up her letter box tomorrow
‘Cause a big bunny tells me everything I want to know
Except about Grandma Death, Roberta Sparrow
And I’ll never never know
All the things I never never never want to know
Even though I’m Donnie Darko

Since I can see the effervescent chest tubes showing paths though time
I can know the future but still forgot I was gonna shoot my spirit guide
Smack dead in the middle of his eye
I should’ve have talked with you about The Philosophy of Time, shouldn’t I?
Would’ve that worked out fine?

Living Receiver is my new job it’s crazy so there’s no time for sorrow
In my hoodie find a vortex in the sky to die smiling yesterday’s tomorrow

She’ll never know what she’ll find
When she opens up her letter box tomorrow
‘Cause a big bunny tells me everything I want to know
Except about Grandma Death, Roberta Sparrow
And I’ll never never know
All the things I never never never want to know
Even though I’m Donnie Darko

Donnie Darko turns 20 this year…and They Might Be Giants is timeless.

Letterbox 10/2/88 (after They Might Be Giants)

Nothing says I love you

It was a moonless night
Not a star in the sky
No one around
But you...and I

On the back porch
Bathed in candlelight
Neighbors fast asleep
Dreams in their eyes

Our bellies full
From all that cabbage stew
Than a'rumblin' began
From that devil’s brew

Oh ...

I used to wonder what it'd take to prove this truth
I used to wonder how to make a mark
But now I know now how simple that it really is

Nothing says I love you 
like farting 
in the dark
Nothing says I love you

Cold Tequila

We drank
cold tequila
on a simmering summer night

We went
skinny dipping in the river
under stars a-shining bright

We lost
innocence and inexperience
just trying to get it right

Desperate youth
and cold tequila
on an endless summer night

I saw you in the parking lot
of the Town & Country store
Riding shotgun with your girlfriends
in a dusty, rusty Ford

Your hair was blowing out the window
Your smile an acre wide
I chased you down to invite you all
to go swimming with us that night

We drank
cold tequila
on a simmering summer night

We went
skinny dipping in the river
under stars a-shining bright

We lost
innocence and inexperience
just trying to get it right

Desperate youth
and cold tequila
On an endless summer night

You showed up close to twilight
with cold tequila and warm beer
We listened to No Fences
And we hollered and we cheered

Billy built a bonfire
Right on the pebbly shore
The reflection in your eyes
Left me hoping for a kiss or more

When you handed me the bottle
and said that you was having fun
I knew you’d be my only girl
Until our days were done

We drank
cold tequila
on a simmering summer night

We went
skinny dipping in the river
under stars a-shining bright

We lost
innocence and inexperience
just trying to get it right

Desperate youth
and cold tequila
on an endless summer night

The night it ended far too soon
It was time to get on home
As you piled into your pickup
Said I’d call you on the phone

Watched your taillights as they disappeared
down the dark two-laned highway
I could taste your lip gloss just a bit
And my memories replayed us

drinking

cold tequila
on a simmering summer night

skinny dipping in the river
under stars a-shining bright

losing

innocence and inexperience
just trying to get it right

Desperate youth

Cold tequila

Long gone summer nights

Cold Tequila

The Only Secret That I Know

I never knew a sweeter melody
Than the one that called me home

I never knew the mind of god
Except when I was stoned

I never knew the rain would fall
Until the drops darkened my coat

Now I’m telling you a secret
The only secret that I know

I never felt the rocky path
Underneath me when I roamed

I never thought to hold your hand
While you were standing close

I can’t forget the way you looked
Traveling down that road

So now I’m telling you a secret
The only secret that I know

I never had a single care
I never stopped, I never slowed

I never wanted anything
Except to hear you say, “Don’t go”

I never shed a single tear
Least that’s how the story goes

And now I’m telling you a secret
The only secret that I know

The Only Secret That I Know

And the Gang

Zack Sang, I wanna wear your skin
Zack Sang, oh won’t you let me in
Zack Sang, don’t ya tell me no
Zack Sang, you’re on my radio-o-o

Late night, I hear your grating voice
Damn right, what I listen to’s my choice
But Zack Sang, I wanna make a man-suit outta you-oo-oo

Hoo-hoo

So Zack Sang, let me wear your skin
Oh, Zack Sang, now the bleedin’ begins
Zack Sang, you’re my only one
Zack Sang, don’t it sound like fuh-uh-un

At night, driving around town
Ain’t right, the goofy way you sound

Oh, Zack Sang, I’m gonna wear the hell outta you-oo-oo

Hoo-hoo

Yeah Zack Sang, I’m gonna wear the hell outta you
Oo oo oo

Zack Sang
Gonna wear-air you
Zack Sang
Oo oo oo
Zack Sang
Oo oo oo
Yeah, Zack Sang
Zack Sang Zack Sang Zack Sang

And the Gang

Roman’s Song

I don’t have feelings

I just have legs*

               That carry me away from

               Carry me away from

               Carry me away from you



Cause I’m cold

And I’m hard,

               And I’m afraid

And I’m told

               I tear apart

Those in my wake



I do have something

Deep down inside

               That I can never share with

               Still can never share with

               Can never ever share with you



Yes, I’m told

               I tear apart

Those in my wake

‘Cause I’m cold

And I’m hard

               And I’m afraid



I don’t have feelings

I just have legs

               That always bring me back to

               Always bring me back to

               Always bring me back to you.

—————————————————————
*Roman Awesome Preu, 22.5 months old

Roman’s Song