A is for Asphyxiation
When all you need is air
B is for Beheading
Say, how’s the view from there?
C is for Crucifixion
Yes, nailed upon a cross
D is for Dismemberment
Your limbs get plumb torn off
E is for Electrocution
A zappy way to go
F is for Firing Squad
Riddled through with holes
G is for Garrotting
A wire through the neck
H is for Hanging
Thirteen knots is best
I is for Impaling
Through the heart, you’re to blame
J is for Japanese Encephalitis
Asian problems with the brain
K is for Keelhauling
Not a pleasant way to cruise
L is for Lockjaw
With rusty nails you always lose
M is for Malaria
Don’t forget to drink your DEET
N is for Necrosis
Rotting flesh is not that neat
O is for Obesity
Must be hauled out by a truck
P is for Poisoning
You drank that? Of all the luck
Q is for Quartering
Pulled to pieces under blue skies
R is for Rabies
From when the bat flew in your eye
S is for Stoning
Body pummeled by short sharp shots
T is for Typhoid
Poop-tainted water -> rose-colored spots
U is for Uritis
You should’ve gone to the loo
V is for Venom
From the viper that just bit you
W is for Wandering Spleen
That goes in all directions
X is for X-linked severe combined immunodeficiency
So you cannot fight infection
Y is for Yersinia pestis
Though we know it as Bubonic
Z is for Zygomycosis
A common fungus that goes chronic
Now you know your ABCs
Your time is short, so live with glee!