I Love You Like You Love Anyone Else

I never knew what I wanted,
beyond feeling relaxed,
but even that seemed at odds
with what nature desired for me.

Nature desired for me
a lot of silence
before causing my head
to swell uncontrollably.

“I love you, I love you,
I love you like you love anyone else,”
was my constant refrain.

My head remained so large
for such a long time,
so big that I constantly
woke to check that it was true.

But it wasn’t.

In that moment, I understood
that the truth was everywhere
and to see it required
no effort whatsoever.

I saw that the truth was true,
and could do nothing to help it.

“I don’t like this feeling
of simple truths,” I told
my mirror when he and I
met for breakfast yesterday,

“it’s not really my thing.”

“The feeling I’ve got now,
well, that’s my feeling,”
I told him. “It’s a true feeling
of feelings of correct ideas

“of true feelings
in a true world
that has feelings of
truth in the world.”

“Your mother told us that you wanted
to be a singer,” my mirror said.
“And a singer must always know
the true feeling of feelings.”

I raised my head in an attempt
to be kind and replied,

“I think I’ll have
a better time
with true feelings
if I am by myself.”

“But listen,
(and this is what it was)
it was that I didn’t know,
I didn’t know the feeling,”

“It felt like feeling
like everything was possible.
Like some things were
about to sort of happen.”

And some things did.

I made a move.

I Love You Like You Love Anyone Else

Wherever You Went, There You Were

I wanted to kiss you until the stars blinked out into cold masses of dust and I wanted the heat between us to ignite a new universe filled with new stars named after candy and breakfast cereals.

And I wanted you in my bed, curled under my arm, whispering to me secret names for god and sex and I wanted to see you naked in the flickering candlelight, blankets bunched down at your ankles, sheen of sweat upon your thighs.

It’s a good thing we don’t have to worry about a future together.

It’s a good thing it won’t ever be our turn to suffer through such loss, yes what a good great thing we will never come to that.

Yet I can’t help but wonder what happened.
Where did you go?
In which wild country did you live?

How do we find the future if we don’t understand the consequences of our actions?
Are we human beings without?
That is, can we even be human without what if?

How do we feed? Who will take care of us in the future? Who will look after that which we have done and not done, kissed and not kissed, loved and not loved?

Will you remember me in your future?
Will you remember I told you?
Will you remember forever?

Why do I wonder?

My husband was like me. He lived a life filled with routine and convenience followed by frustration and depression, and while he had a respectable career in corporate America, he was not satisfied.

The only passion he chose to follow was raising our children. He loved them dearly. He wanted to keep them happy in a world filled with so much despair and misery.

He wanted them to have a future filled with light and love and love and life.

He wanted them to have a forever.

I think too often on forevers.

I think eternity is such a long, long time and I think I meant it when I said, “forever.”

I think I really meant it that time.

Wherever You Went, There You Were

And Then I Had to Tell You My Secret

Love love love

Love will break break break

Love will break break break

You wide open

Still

Love love love

Love is all All All

Love is all All All

All that matters

Screaming Chaos sings sad songs to the cold bright night while the A.I. continues,

“Read the Rising Wind lyrics:

When you’re sick, you’re lost

When you feel lonely

Your world is crumbling away

When you’re broken down

You are the world

Wake up, don’t cry

Love is all All – You can be able to

You won’t see the light and see the sun

That you’ve fallen for the wrong person

Love is all All – Not what you thought

Love is all All – I’m not able to

Love is all All – It’s not a lot

Love is all All – It’s not that which it is

Love is all Love – Not not perfect but not

Love is all All – Not not

Love is all All – I have not what you thought

Love is all All – I have no things at all

Love is all All – Not no things, nothings

Love is all Love – I’m not a perfect thing

Love is all All – I didn’t have the thing

Love is all Love – Is not not is not

Love is all All – It wasn’t all that bad

Love is all All – There is no need to rush.

And Then I Had to Tell You My Secret

Believing, Doing, and Sharing in What Was True

We can walk around the block
in the time it takes us to listen
to Wang Chung’s ‘Dance Hall Days’,

so I wanted to write a poem
tying the song’s lyrics
to observations made along the way.

For instance, I’d quote,
“And take your baby by the ears”
as we stroll by the police station

while employing certain literary tools
to highlight comparisons between the cops
and now-faded pop stars from the 1980s.

And I’d somehow tie together,
“And you need her and she needs you,”
to urban gentrification

and how pushing away the poor has somehow
escaped potential developers of downtown Kansas City, Kansas
despite wholly reshaping Kansas City, Missouri into something…else.

And then I’d end the poem repeating,
“Dance hall days, love, dance hall days
dance hall days, love, dance hall days.”

But without a smoking sax solo,
the entire affair seemed hopelessly missing
that something wholly necessary for lasting greatness.

Believing, Doing, and Sharing in What Was True