A Straightforward Method To Beat The Jersey Devil at Texas Hold ‘Em

Bluff deeply.
Breathing can go wrong in the blink of an eye.
    Do not misunderstand the stakes.
You are playing against The Jersey Devil.
    And when The Devil’s stack is deep,
    he’s gonna look you up.
Study well.
Know The Jersey Devil’s tells.
The Jersey Devil has wings and ain’t afraid to flap ‘em.
The Jersey Devil may be a kangaroo…with wings.
It may be a kangaroo…with wings…and hooves.
    That is telling you something indeed.
The Jersey Devil speaks a body language
    no Rosetta Stone can help decipher.
How is your poker face?
Practice.
The Jersey Devil isn’t human
    so rarely uses props.
This is to your advantage.
You can bare your teeth
    and really raise The Jersey Devil’s ire.
Bet before the flop, goddammit, but not too much
    ‘cause then you’re just looking for death.
It takes guts to carry out a blue bluff.
You know this.
    Good human guts, pink and wet.
You know this.

    But so does The Jersey Devil.

Tell a grand story with your bet and tell a bold story with your bluff and bluff your bet with your grand story and bet your bold story on your bluff.

Watch that cold river turn.

Keep one eye on the treetops.

Watch The Devil fly. Or leap and flutter. Don’t hit on the turn. Know when to hold ‘em. Don’t flip on the flop. Know when to fold ‘em. Know when to calculate the odds of winning a particular hand and use this information to inform your play and know when to run away when you take all The Jersey Devil’s money when you’re sitting at the table and his winged, hooved kangaroo ass bites your fucking head off and slurps out your brain and laughs flips and flaps his sated behind back and back to the pine trees, to the quiet dank of home sweet home.

A Straightforward Method To Beat The Jersey Devil at Texas Hold ‘Em

10 thoughts on “A Straightforward Method To Beat The Jersey Devil at Texas Hold ‘Em

Sock it to me

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