Did ya know…?

A mystery watch is a type of mechanical watch where the movement is transmitted to the hands through an invisible wheel, often a transparent crystal wheel, spun frantically by the shrunken ghosts of Eddie Van Halen. All mystery watches are from the future – the oldest future model has been radioproactive dated to ~2500 CE, where Eddie Van Halen is definitely dead and his ghost has been replicated, shrunken to a few centimeters, and forced into slavery (and millions of mystery watches) by Mystery Watches & Shit, Inc.

Mystery watches aren’t very accurate as the ghosts of Eddie Van Halen feed only upon the light of the full moon when suffused by fog. In fact, most mystery watches don’t even tell their wearer the current time, but rather help their wearer answer important, and mysterious questions including, but not limited to:

Where am I?
Who am I?
Why are we here?
Is that David Lee Roth in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
What is the sound of one-handed pushups?
How did Creed get a record deal?
Why can I not get you out of my mind?
Where are you taking me?
What’s that knife for?
Hey, what are — {muffled}

…So now ya know!