Friday Fun Facts: Aphelandra dodsonii

Did ya know…?

Aphelandra dodsonii is a species of plant in the Acanthaceae family and is endemic to Ecuador. Its natural habitat is subtropical or tropical forests. It is threatened by habitat loss and when threatened, Aphelandra dodsonii goes doo-doo crazy on a sucka. This one time, at band camp, an unassuming cellist named Alberdi Humberto eroded just a smidge of Aphelandra dodsonii’s topsoil and Aphelandra dodsonii was all like, “Five Point Palm Exploding Heart, you erosive sumbeyatch!” and poor little Alberdi’s heart exploded into a billion tiny cardiac crumbs. The eroded topsoil would never be recovered, though local legend has it that if one walks up a flight of stairs backwards while holding a candle and a hand mirror, in a darkened house, one may catch an ectoplasmic reflection of the missing dirt.

Aphelandra dodsonii is a Gemini, enjoys the outdoors, homebrewing beer, and understands DNA replication.

…So know ya know!

Friday Fun Facts: Aphelandra dodsonii

The masses of humanity will always have to suffer

Enlightenment and Freedom from Suffering | Hardcore Zen.

To me, meditation — zazen specifically — is a way to decrease some of the distractions of the mind. We don’t realize, generally, how incredibly distracted we are by the processes going on in our own brains. But if you work on dealing with some of them you discover that there was a whole world out there you had not noticed before because you were too distracted to perceive it. Do this for long enough and a shift in perception/understanding occurs.

The masses of humanity will always have to suffer

The World’s Most Frizzled Toothbrush

The man stands
in front of his bathroom window,
holding the world’s most frizzled toothbrush;
toothbrush with bristles
like an electrocuted tribble.

He keeps
one grey eye
on the house
across the street
and that one window
with a light
that never goes out,
that never casts
any shadow
across drawn, pale,
yellow curtains.

He keeps
his other grey eye
on his toothbrush’s gnarled reflection,
frayed bristles
lighting up
like a fiber-optic tree
with every car
that drives by.

The bristles shift
in color
from ripe banana
to blank paper
to open wound
to healing scar.

He considers
walking
across the street,
knocking
on the door,
inquiring
about that never-darkened room.

He considers
replacing
that grizzled toothbrush;
considers
upgrading
to a plaque-annihilating model.

The man
turns off
his bathroom light
and purposefully
brushes his teeth
bathed in headlights
of passing cars.

He spits
into a dark hole,

gazes
across the street,

waits
for shadow.

The World’s Most Frizzled Toothbrush

Listen of the Week: Kendrick Lamar

To Pimp a Butterfly by Kendrick Lamar

What else would I pick for this week? C’mon now.

The yam is the power that be
You can smell it when I’m walking down the street
I can dig rapping, but a rapper with a ghost writer?
What the fuck happened? I swore I wouldn’t tell
But most of y’all share bars, like you got the bottom bunk in a two man cell
Something’s in the water
And if I got a brown nose for some gold then I’d rather be a bum than a motherfuckin’ baller
-King Kunta

Listen of the Week: Kendrick Lamar

Still Time to Register for the Dystopian Fiction Workshop @ The Writers Place

3 Saturdays, April 11, 18, & 25 – 2015 | 2 p.m. – 4 p.m.

Teaching Artists: Craig M. Workman & Jason Preu

With the explosion in popularity of dystopian work in every facet of pop culture, its force in our body of consumed work is undeniable. What is at the core of these examples of a “bad place”? How can they be crafted and published?

Register here: http://www.writersplace.org/workshops

Still Time to Register for the Dystopian Fiction Workshop @ The Writers Place

Friday Fun Facts: Elephants

Did ya know…?

Elephants (the “h” is silent) are large pants worn to lift their wearer up to hard-to-reach spaces. Invented by Archimedes Jones in 1944, elephants are pant made from a collapsible and nearly infinitely stretchable polymer blend wool and taffy known as waffy. Early on, elephants were worn to efficiently move people or goods between floors (levels, decks) of buildings, vessels, or other structures. Elephants have since replaced ladders as the preferred method of elevating oneself. Worn by window cleaners, utility repair workers, fire rescue personnel, and bored teenagers, elephants truly are a miracle of the modern age.

In the mid-90s, with the rise of extreme sports, the game of X-chicken began to gain a foothold. In X-chicken, teams of two face off, one team member wearing elephants (the “base”) and the other team member sitting on the base’s shoulders with an over-sized pugil stick (the “wacker”). The bases then engage their elephants to a pre-determined level (anywhere from 3 to 300 stories) and each team attempts to topple the other. Today, over 90 countries have competition X-chicken teams.

Archimedes’ granddaughter, Socriti Evans (married to billionaire stapler magnate, Leaven Evans), carries on the family tradition of producing and distributing elephants from Archimedes’ original factory in Alameda, CA.

…So now ya know!

Friday Fun Facts: Elephants

The Bat Grave, or Talking with My Son About Living

treading the dull razor line
that’s hastily drawn
whenever we mention death

still young enough to feel
faint echoes of that communal hollow
from whence you sprung not so long ago
kicking, screaming, wondering in fever-pitched frustration
     why this now?

i only listen;
     answer with tender brutality

yes, it will happen to me
     to your mother
          to your sister

yes, other people will live
     in our house
          after we are gone

yes, even batman will die

i know, but even batman will die

for tonight, you don’t believe me

and that’s ok

The Bat Grave, or Talking with My Son About Living

To-Dos

Avoid more meetings
Drink more coffee
Eat more butter
BeSkittle my shoes
Convince more people that they are, indeed, already god
Start a cult
Incite a riot
Laugh so hard I pee my pants
Laugh so hard I pee your pants
Pour more of my heart into more of these words
Continue experiments in making real Wuzzles
Work less
Work better
Shave…
Eat local humans
Become a wizard
Touch the sun
Touch myself
Touch the moon
Touch you

To-Dos