Today, The DaVinci Code plops like a turd into theaters near you.

And I’ve got a spoiler for all of you.

 

If you don’t want to know the true secret of the DaVinci Code, please stop reading now.

 

If you don’t want to know information so mind-numbing, paradigm-shifting, bowel-releasing, faith-shattering and finger-licking that God himself has banned from on high, please stop reading now.

 

If you can’t handle the Truth, in whatever form it may take, please stop reading now.

 

People everywhere, I am going to save you $8 on a movie and 3 hours of life wasted reading terrible literature.

 

People everywhere, I will now unveil to you the True Secret of the DaVinci Code!:

The True Secret is:

 

Wait for it:

 

Wait for it:

 

THE TRUE SECRET OF THE DAVINCI CODE IS!:

 

 

Jesus and Mary shared popsicles.

melty

 

Today, The DaVinci Code plops like a turd into theaters near you.

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